Grief expert and therapist Tom Golden's animated, lively, humorous and passionate presentation on this tape makes this tape well worth it. It is based on a presentation he made to therapists, and it hits on the themes that Tom covers so well in his book Swallowed by a Snake, excerpts from which are on our MenWeb Men and Grief page. Tom makes some very important points, about differences between men and women, and differences in the ways men and women grieve. He makes his points very effectively, as I think you'll agree if you listen to the tape segments we describe below. A humorous tape about men and grief? Well, Tom just demonstrates in his tape one of his important points, that humor is important in the grieving process -- a point we all to often overlook as we try for the solemnity we think the occasion requires.

What else is on the tape? We could only provide a couple of segments. Tom weaves his advice around an old tale about a man swallowed by a snake, and uses this analogy powerfully as he talks about men handling grief. His telling of a Cree tree-wounding ritual works very well. He provides good specific examples of two elements important in a man's grieving process, creativity and practicality, and his story of himself and the male relatives telling stories about his father as they make a box for his ashes is very powerful.

The tape is of a seminar for therapists, and therapists are one good audience for the tape. But Tom stays clear of technical language, and his engaging style makes it ideal for anyone who needs to grapple with the difficult issue of grief in their lives. Women can understand better where men are "coming from," and see why doing often works better than talking about it. Men can be re-affirmed that there's nothing "wrong" with them if they don't grieve in the way that women and many therapists expect. His advice for a therapist at a hospice, who wants to know how her program can support grieving men? They don't come to the support groups she sets up. "Send them out on a fishing boat." Should the therapist go along? "No. The guys will find they guys they need to talk with, and talk about what they need to talk about. Or not talk."