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George M. Taylor, Talking with Our Brothers: Creating and Sustainig a Dynamic Men’s Group. (Fairfax, CA: Men’s Community Publishing Project, 1995) |
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As I have said many times, the real Men’s Work that is changing lives is happening not in large men’s gatherings or "wildman" retreats, or in local Wisdom Councils, but by small groups of men gathering and sharing together. Yet, in truth, many of these groups begin with the best of intentions, and just sort of melt away into nothingness. I have had a couple of those groups myself.
This book is an excellent guide, not only on how to start a group, but on how to keep the momentum and synergy going. Reviewers like Jack Kornfeld, Malidoma Somé and Shepherd Bliss praise it, describing it as clear and useful, and full of helpful tools and effective exercises. Yes, all of that is true.
But I wonder if the reviewers do the book a disservice. For it is much more than that. It goes deeper. He begins by discussing why groups fail. The first issue that comes up for a group is deciding when, where, and how often to meet. Mr. Taylor recognizes that difficulties in reaching this initial agreement reflect issues, patterns and feelings that come up in individual men’s lives. He lists key questions for group members to ask, as he does for each of the topics in the book. The key questions gently encourage you to go and look inside, to see if your own "stuff" is getting in the way of reaching what first appears to be a simple, rational decision. He shows a depth of understanding, and of non-judgmental compassion, in identifying and talking about the things that cme up. And, yes, the exercises are good. Like spending a couple of hours letting one man tell his own story, probably for the first time in his life.
If you are already in a group, I still recommend you read this book. Its depths of insight will help you understand your own groups better, and it will give you creative new ideas for getting around the "plateauing" and boredom that is inevitable in any group’s history.
